On Surrendered Power ~
The sweeping wave of universal Yin, within which flows the All.
What is that wave? ‘They’ call it surrender. Light calls it intelligence.
Once upon an enlightenment, a newly-awakened one thrilled to her emerged and unfolding innocence. As her eyes opened, and she walked into the Wonder, she felt the love and the universal welcome… or so it seemed. She vowed to venture forth into realms and dimensions less open, into those where the Oneness and its Innocence might bring some relief.
Some dimensions welcomed her accelerating Presence. Others seemed indifferent and the indifference made her sad, though she smiled and continued on her way. Then, one day in meditation or dreaming, she ventured into a demonic dimension. So-named because of the constricted and twisted energies that inhabited this space. Smiling, she waltzed across their borders, assuming no harm would come to her. No sooner had her toes touched down into this new realm than they were singed and scalded and ferociously repelled.
“You are not welcome here!” the demons shouted. “How arrogant to think you might enter our kingdom in this way!” And so, the youngling awoke to the pain she had caused her own body, in the attempt to bring more light to those in pain.
Was this a test? She was unsure and so she meditated. “Why are you not listening?” Spirit stilled her turbulent feelings. “Your Presence is not wanted there.”
“But the light is needed everywhere!” she protested, thinking of all those who had tried, been tortured and died carrying its torches.
“That is not intelligence,” her heart responded. “The light knows what to do and when and where and all things in between. Let it find its way.”
Giggling, she shared her story with me as we shared a cup of lemon tea.
And then, more recently, there was another meditation. My body hurt. Pain born of what felt like an external hit. “Why do I keep being hit? What attracts this? What depends upon it? Where am I dependent / compliant / addicted?” What to ask was not the issue, and yet the why was not forthcoming. I wondered if, perhaps, I was simply going to endure this, time after time, and that was part of life on this world. And through that martyred abdication I heard HER laughing.
An old friend and mentor appeared to assist. “Look at what you are doing,” he instructed. Doing was the key. I observed how part of ‘my’ field was pushed forward, leaned into, the person I wanted to assist. I felt the want in me and the push, however subtle. “Come back here,” SHE said, showing me HER field, HER grace, HER way of moving in any direction.
“How often do you instruct others to remain in their own orbs of light? How often do you parrot the words that I AM the only doer? Do you mean them?” SHE knows I do. This bit I had not seen. The desire to assist and to see a result, remained subtly unsurrendered. And so I let go, feeling ‘me’ re-absorbed into HER. And, as I did so, HER buoyancy lifted me above any backlash or fallout or resistance or pain.
It was a bodily held want, the leaning in. What has SHE always said? “Lean into ME.”
My favorite Sufi poem (loosely translated) runs like this:
When the light of ten thousand suns enters the body,
those who are ready will bask in its radiance.
Those who are not, it will blind.
HER light is its own safety. In order to benefit we must fly HER flag rather than our own.
One of the toughest veils for me was that of the third chakra gate. “Not my will but Thine.” I reasoned my way around it, shrunk it, finally dismantled the ‘eye of the needle’ through processing, all validated by HER. Until there was no more island to sweep, no more to release, except this one, seemingly tiny, shining bit of ‘me.’ I had aligned ‘my will’ with HERS, and yet…the flag of unconditional surrender had not flown within my body, though my awareness held it high.
Unconditional means without conditions. Full stop. Humility is not a virtue. It is a necessity. Not the my fault, on your knees, unworthy, place. Not, “If you want so poor a thing, it is yours.” Bleah. That is false humility. True humility defies description as do most aspects of Divinity. Its banner reads something like “Take all of ‘me.’ Take everything, as I trust that, that I AM.” And when we reach this crossing, we waltz seemingly backwards into what we have always been, melting as we go.
Many mystiks have written about the power of a surrendered life, and the miracles that follow HER flow.
My most favorite spiritual saying when I wore seekers shoes?
and what moved me was the wave that moved the words.
One day this wave will carry you, too, to other shoes and other shores. May your journey be blessed with ease and grace as you cast white flags and towels to the many winds and learn to ride HER waves once more.