A Different Now ~

A Different Now ~

I’ve been after writing this post since last Friday… and, oh dear, it’s Wednesday, so… I choose to simply write from HER heart. No “teaching” subject. I’m bored with most of them anyway. And they are all changing. SHE is so very talented at that!

I’ve just spent not quite three weeks in a power spot. Three weeks! Imagine! So much has shifted and changed it doesn’t bear tracking. I recalled, at one point, wondering what it would be like to live in such a place. Longing for it, in fact. Funny, when our dreams come true. Can one live in a crucible for any length of time? I’d like to find out. So would some of you. BUT we have to be kinder to our bodies. Letting a power vortex have its way with you isn’t always pretty. Shit happens. Sometimes literally. Always emotionally. And that is a good thing in a world where real feelings are suppressed and false ones harvested, more than not.

I have watched, of late, as the ambulatory power spot that I AM affects those I spend time with (and love). It isn’t always pretty. Shit happens. Sometimes literally. Always emotionally. Egos are such volatile structures! And they do.not.like.change! Weird, in a world where all things are transitory. But there it is. It takes about a fortnight and wham! Triggered-egos-r-us! My awareness heaves the usual sigh and asks HER to hose things down. My body always wants to run. Always. And I have never stood down. Not once. Not until now.

She has been so strong, for so long. I am so grateful to this body and I have been so unkind. I have subjected her to the constant barrage of thoughts, judgements and projections of… you thought I was going to say “others” right? Well, that would be true enough but the issue has largely been me. What I have allowed into my awareness has tortured her and she has borne it out of love.

Sitting by the sea, I asked her what she needed. “Only BE with me.”

On one of these days, which have run like water colors, I began to listen to the streaming service known as “what my body hears” which no longer runs through my awareness, but which she has internalized to a horrifying degree. She thinks I hate her. She believes I have only been happy with her when I was (sometimes literally during martial arts practice), beating her into some kind of fitness frenzy. No wonder she has manufactured armoring! Poor dear! The self-denigration service has been alive and well in the unconscious parts of her. And I have ignored that, in favor of… all.the.other.things.

Yes, the world hurts to a sensitive. You all know that story. Do you know HERS? The story SHE wants to sing through each of us? HER story of love and blinding ecstasy and enjoyment of the experience of living? I’d bet not. Meaning I’d lay money your body knows but has done as you have asked in spite of that wisdom.

This is a new now. I have done the work. I have asked my body for forgiveness, over and over. I have begged her not to listen when others judge. They think they know. As a part-time fitness professional I used to think I knew, too. I judged myself, more than others but, still, I knew. It’s a trap, the knowing thing. And yet we pursue it madly.

I used to hoover up as much esoteric knowledge as possible, always reading the next “thing,” climbing higher levels of understanding rung by painful rung. Until…SHE intervened. It truly was Divine Intervention. I would have hounded myself up those hills for effing ever and probably have in whatever parallel realities persist within me. The seeking thing? A fruitless endeavor. The truth about the carrot and the stick? The stick does not grow shorter with time nor with perseverance. The carrot rots and falls to the ground, becoming fertilizer for other endeavors. EVERY TIME.

Think of all the things you think! My body told the tale and then some. I wept for her, as I let the long list of internalized tortures fall away.

I look at the “new evangelistas”, HER new teachers, promoting… themselves and their survivor stories, but also the new metaphysics of HER shifts on this world. Much of the information is spot on, even if pedantically or theatrically presented. I used to think I had to do that too. To ‘splain everything to everyone. What a dull job! Why didn’t I know it was going to be a dull job? (quoting Richard Bach here) I see these women, (and some men) who will help to change things, as they inspire not only aspiration but the much-needed catharsis of outrage…

I have no wish to compete. “You could teach this, Nalini. You could put this program together…” Been there. Done that. Maybe you weren’t around, or you’ve forgotten. And, even if I hadn’t, it doesn’t resonate NOW. Let the fierce young ones have their day and their version of HER Way.

I often post “things of interest” to those in my monthly program. An article by this one, a video by that one, to present truth in yet another way. Still so mind-oriented. Still so knowing-focused. {I wanted to write “still so mental” but the pun made me giggle.} Where’s the heart? Where’s HER love in those moments of now?

Or maybe you’re interested in a different sort of NOW. The Way of Oneness is being taught once more. Hurray! Even if I sigh a bit at the way of the way of The Way and how it is being presented… but who am I to say? I would have to know and I’m no longer interested in knowing. I hope one day you can say the same.

You’ll see. Here, hanging with Michael, and HER soothing, healing, seas, I remembered something SHE once said to me. I was “in it,” you know? And SHE told me “Stop trying so hard to acquire more light and just BE THE LIGHT THAT YOU ARE!” My mind didn’t know how, of course. And yet, I had not been a Seeker/Knower/Doer for what probably is lifetimes now on some world or other. HER chiding was for good reason. WTF was I spending time thinking, for? Seeking? Striving? Why was I in so much pain? I took a few deep breaths…and left the situation. There was nothing to be DONE. My BEING had been compromised. And I had let it happen.

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SHE says to us, in so many ways, so that every one of us has the opportunity to hear HER… “ Rest in My Love. Find your way to BE. THAT will set you free.” And, of course, the ego thinks it knows…and another learning cycle commences.

May HER heart healing flow through you. May it free your mind, body, and awareness. May you remember how to BE. A different NOW is available. It comes from Nurturing HER Oneness, Within.

Love to you all,
Nalini