Imbolc ~ The Deep Breath Before the Plunge

Imbolc ~ The Deep Breath Before the Plunge ~

It’s groundhog day! Also known as Imbolc and Brighid’s Day… more to the point.

I awoke in tears this morning. And not because of any adventures in the dream planes. Odd, that, because this particular observance… groundhog day… typically starts my waking hours with laughter. That, thanks to the acting prowess of Bill Murray and Andie McDowell, in the film by the same name. One of the more spiritual films, ever, and hilarious to boot. And, there is a featured Scottie, if you know where to watch for it! But I digress…

On first awakening, the kind that sends most people burrowing back to sleep, {did you know that’s what happens to most awakenings?} I did laugh.” It’s groundhog day!” The voices of the radio announcers from the film played through my consciousness, though I would not typically have remembered today’s calendar. I meditated for a bit, then opted for the warmth that lives under the duvet, once again, joined by the resident feline… he on ‘his’ blankie on top of the covers, thanks. We become one another’s leg warmers in a strategically negotiated kind of way.

On re-awakening an hour or so later, the tears came. I felt them through my body, opting to set them free rather than suppress them as I did for so very many years. As awakenings deepen through the physical body, it becomes ever more important not to ignore or suppress or bypass what asks to nove through. Trust your feelings. Trust the body. It knows what wants releasing. It is when we resist the release that problems occur.

As I sat, again , to meditate, I asked for assistance for my body and her tears. Partly it was convenience. Having just surfed a massive histamine-reactive detox, I wasn’t looking forward to not being able to breathe… again. My body said, in her little girl voice, “I’m afraid.” A voice I have never allowed myself to have patience with, at least for long. Love and fear cannot live in the same vibratory space, so… breathing in the love. Let it move out the fear.

“No!” my body was adamant. It got my attention. “You have forced me to fling away fear for far too long…” I used my breath to calm my body as she continued her rant. “If I hear that bloody litany against fear from Dune ONE…MORE…TIME…!” As my body took a deep breath to yell at me, tears streaming down my face all the while, I felt HER ask a question… What are these feelings about? Do they belong to you? Where is the grief around wanting to make things right, coming from?

“Leaving!” the inward shout shook me, “Packing and moving and nowhere to feel safe! AGAIN!” That surprised my conscious self because I’m good with fluid, if you know what I mean. Would it be nice to have a cubbie somewhere to hold.the.things. that don’t travel well? Sure. That will arrive when it is time for it to arrive. More than one cubbie, actually, and in more than one country. I’ve seen it. SHE never lies. Base camps already in progress. Patience. Let HER bring the miraculous solutions that my body is finally ready to receive.

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As I allowed HER to comfort the little one’s reaction that thrummed through my cellular structures, I wondered at it. The little girl who did not feel safe at home. Well known. Long-comforted. 100% released, or so my awareness had told me. All these decades of clearing and releasing… and my body still carries this traumatic imprint? What was missed? Did compassion not reach wherever this is tethered? Or is it only an opening that still exists, allowing the wounding of others to enter my body? {do you ever get the bing-bing-bing, all the lights on, inward sign from HER?} Some part of me thought I had to keep that circuit open or I would not be compassionate. I had to keep a ‘wounding’ portal open for that of others.

NO, not that way! HER voice within me, at top volume, startled the cat. He looked at me, fur standing straight out, “Merde! I was sleeping!”

The blended image-forms of White Tara, Kuan Yin, and Brighid, whose alignment this is, moved into my body. These powerful archetypal fields brought with them the frequencies of Peace, Compassion, the Triple-Flame, and Heightened Sensitivity. White light. The Dharmakaya, the clear light of reality, truth’s embodiment, filled my field from the cellular level. Relief. Gratitude. Thank you for this gift.

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As I was absorbed into HER light, love, warmth, and deep comfort, memories of other sensitives I know flashed through my awareness. No wonder so many sensitives fear to fully awaken! Supremely-heightened sensitivity comes with the awake state. Not only the sensory array of sight, smell, taste and touch are heightened. The perceptual field broadens and deepens as well. One sees into and through multiple realities and dimensional constructs. And, the thing sensitives most fear, those realities are felt as well.

Boundaries are learned, but require adjustment. SHE holds them for us, if we ask, until the new stability in flow is embodied. In the meanwhile it hurts. Not a test or an anything, so much as part of the process. All resistance, even in the form of pain, must be let go. For full embodiment, trust must become unconditional. It is a love in progress. {not as much work as your ego wants you to believe}

Sensitives have a hard time on this world. We feel too much, and it breaks the heart, usually at a very early age. That heartbreak then causes a split between our loving, angelic essence, and the shielding of closing and protection we learn to carry over our hearts to protect them from further damage. We become almost bi-polar in the heartspace, our true essential nature being open to Source and loving toward life, and the learned defenses hard and closed and invulnerable to what we feel as an onslaught from others and the world at large. Even from Source, and HER emissaries.

What this shielding does, is deflect the ‘incoming’ energy blasts that we find so devastating, to other areas of the body. Typically, because human children are taught forward-facing orientation, we protect the front of our hearts. That leaves the mid-to-upper back area, very vulnerable. Our center becomes tilted and sealed, so to speak. We lose the true balance of the heart.

This morning, I experienced the re-balancing of more of my body with my already-balanced heart. HER truly limitless and infinitely fluid heart. The heart that now moves as my own. Humbled by this Grace, my body continued to weep, now the cleansing tears of gratitude that flow as a river of liquid love.

HER gift of increased sensitivity need not be feared. It is not a curse nor a burden. It is divine love. The most feared state on this world, at this time. It need not be that way for you.

May you experience HER love and its infinite support on this auspicious day.
From my open heart to yours,

~ Nalini

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