Let's Talk Relating ~
Relating is part of everything we do and are. It is said that the way we relate to a single person, place, or thing is how we relate to life, and vice versa. There are many psychological tools for observing how we relate to life and others. If you are unsure of how you operate in the world of relating, you might check into one or more of these.
My favorite has always been in relating to a beastie, as they do not communicate as we do, and are not expected to do so. They show us how we approach things, by mirroring to us how we use our energy to approach them.
Here are some examples. The first time I bridled a certain horse without her human there, she saw me approaching and responded proactively. I had just ventured out into the pasture to find her, put a halter on her and brought her into the grooming and tacking-up area. During those activities her human companion was near, puttering with another horse. When I approached with the bridle, and it was just the two of us, the mare projected a field of love at me that was so strong it made me stop in my tracks. "That's lovely," I sent to her. And, "I would never force or manhandle you." She tossed her head, as if in agreement, then lowered it so I could give her the bit and fasten the bridle over her head.
A week or so later I was walking my canine companion, Roshini. As we turned to head home, she pounced herself out of her harness, 'by accident'. She did know how to do this, by jumping and moving 'just so' but rarely abused the privilege. This day was no different. She simply pounced for pleasure at the same time as I gave the leash a gentle tug, and off it came. We lived in a wilderness area and part of me was concerned for her safety should she decide to run off (it had happened before).
This time, she sidled toward me, projecting that strong field of love. The same kind as the mare had done. "Sweetie," I told her, "I'm not upset with you. I wouldn't punish you. Please let me put this back on." She came straight to me then, and did so, smiling.
I wondered about it because the instances were so much the same. When I asked Roshini about it, she told me, "When you get nervous or afraid your body projects defensive energy. It makes it hard to love you, so I sent it extra strong so we could communicate."
I thought about that and said, "I didn't feel afraid around the mare, though, did I?"
"No," said my woofer girl. "But Lonnie is used to being around people who do get scared because she is so big or they have issues with horses and she didn't know how you were going to be with her."
"Couldn't she tell, from my energy?"
"Yes, but remember she works with people with issues so she can't be too careful. It hurts when someone yanks her mouth with that thing or hits her with the straps."
Of course, I thought. The mare works with her human companion in equine therapy and meets people who can't hear her speaking or don't know yet how sensitive she is. That burst of loving energy would put such a person more at ease.
"It did that for you, didn't it?" Roshini commented.
"Not exactly that way, no. It made me sad for her, that she felt she had to project love to be safe."
"It isn't like that at all!" Roshini was laughing now. "That's what you do! Lonnie was showing you your own proactive defensiveness." (Roshini only used big words to make a point)
"Is that what you were doing on the trail the other day as well?" I was a little confused now but knew how important it was to get this.
"No, I knew you were a little distracted and not paying enough attention to our time together, so I popped the harness to get you to notice. Then I thought it might make you mad, so I sent love to you so you would get the point."
I did get it. I began to notice a subtle shift in my energy field whenever my body was feeling uneasy or afraid. The feelings did not have to enter my consciousness at all. My body had its own system at the ready. A beastie in the wild would have responded to that field using the adrenal algorithm, run, fight or freeze, depending on the circumstance. Roshini and Lonnie had been educating me for my own benefit as well as that of the land and their own.
Here is my last example. A friend's dog stayed with me for a few days while the friend was out of town. This man dotes on the dog and treats him like... well... a fragile, walk-on-eggshells, princess. His whole world revolves around taking special care so the dog doesn't get hurt, slip, trip, fall, get exposed to something toxic... it is a bit extreme. While the dog was staying with me, he relaxed. His eyes brightened up. A spring came into his step. He began to leap and play with the other dog on the property. He quieted down (he is usually a barker) and began to really enjoy himself. He acted like a pup again. No one expected him to be anything but what he is, a lovable companion enjoying the day.
When the friend returned and I took his dog back to him, the first thing the man said was, "Stand still so I can carry you up the stairs." The dog froze in place, the light in his eyes dimmed, he stiffened up, and that youthful puppy joy oozed right out of him. He was back to being what his companion needed him to be. I wept for him, as I drove home, even though I knew that he was doing this out of love. The dog was being what his human companion needed him to be and that was his way of taking care of his partner.
Relating energy, in its truest sense, is not the mirroring of our neuroses that we humans tend to act out. It is not the energy of self-sacrifice or martyrdom.
Relating, in the truest sense, comes from a place of unity within the Great Waves of the Infinite. We are that love and we have 'others' in our lives, not to meet our mirroring needs, but to share that love with in the highest, purest, truest way we can. Or so we know if we can stop projecting defensively.
Sound sappy? Try this. The next time anyone, and I mean anyone, approaches you, notice how your body responds. Pay attention to the nuances of how it wants to move away from or toward that person. What does that reaction indicate? The more it comes from a higher-centred love, the truer the response. Observe your body's reactions as well as those of the other. Watch the energetic interaction and learn.
The best partnerships, the kinds that have the potential to last and grow, are those in which the parties lean in together, toward the light. In such a relationship, each person, or being, stands in a unique alignment with the Infinite, infused by Grace. These partners look toward Source together, whilst letting that Source hold the bond between them. It is love that forms unities, rather than dualities. When two or more are 'gathered together' the Infinite forms a unified field within itself to amplify their shared intentions and dreams, and especially, their love.
Think this doesn't apply to all areas of life? Do you love what you do in the world? Wouldn't you rather be doing it with others who also love it? This is practical relating for new cycle energies, whose foundations are abundant joy, light, and love.
Want to play in the new fields? Try relating in a new way. Take a look at the geometric drawing in the header image if you'd like a hint as to how to begin. Start from your heart. In these new fields, it will never lead you astray.
Light will always show you the way.