Let's Talk Families ~
What is the difference, in illumined-embodiment-speak, between a tribe and a family? Let's talk about a real differentiator, not the 'usual' of everyone has their own definition of what family is or is not and how a family ought to operate, what the obligations are, and all that. That is the realm of psychology, not illuminated embodiment.
The classic definition of a family is that of blood family, those with whom you share DNA, be it parental DNA or bloodline DNA. There are many other designations of family, as we well know.
The real difference between a 'tribe' or network of light, and the definition of 'family' is in how our held patterns have become pathologies or how our chosen parameters can become assets and adventures.
Flowers or weeds?
A field by any other name...
In other words, what are the physical / emotional / mental programs that hold us into and out of, certain frameworks of relating? What are we holding onto that could be surrendered into the light?
Here is one way that 'family', whatever your definition or designation, is changing with the new energies. On the one hand, we have family support. "Family" is supposed to be able to be counted on for support, no matter what, and especially when everything else falls apart. This is an alleged 'given' in most cultures.
The dualistically patterned flip side of this is 'family betrayal'. This means that for every form of support offered by 'family' there is an inherent betrayal waiting to happen. What gets betrayed? Our authenticity and truth. Or, so says this pathology. None of this patterning is 'true', though it tends to act out 'as if'.
So, there is a deadly embrace between family support and family betrayal which acts out according to situation and circumstance, and is governed by 'family dependency'.
What is a family dependency? One could name all of the learned and conditioned aspects of co-dependent behavior any of us internalized as part of our alleged maturation process (what we were imprinted with, growing up). Or one could look at this term from a different perspective.
What did my body, my emotions, my mind, learn to count on and how did that become a default, or 'go-to' place when the unknown and/or uncertainties of life become overpowering? On this world, that desired structure has been dubbed 'family' whether consciously or unconsciously, overtly or covertly, seen or unseen. And its subtext is 'relationship'. In terms of light speaking to light, relating is not between two separate beings, but a shared communication between particles in a wave. But I digress...
Someone recently said to me "I am really looking forward to spending time with family." That simple expression could mean so many things, could it not? On the surface, it might sound any number of ways and might be taken for granted by almost anyone.
The truth is, what was meant by that statement was something akin to "I am overwhelmed and my life is a train wreck and I want to feel secure, loved, and understood. I am exhausted in every possible way and I want a respite. Now."
Raise your eyebrows if you have felt any of that of late. (Hands are so heavy!)
Our physical, emotional and mental bodies crave feelings of safety and support in a world whose underlying precepts are crumbling. When pared down to the real feelings behind the statement, the comment makes total sense, given a world gone weird. (Please stop asking if it could get any weirder... can you not see what you create when you ask that, even casually?)
What would this person's actual intentions be, if learned and conditioned pathologies such as 'support vs betrayal and its ensuing defaults' were let go? This is something that everyone has to move through, in order to become an illuminated embodiment. It is the 'what' and the 'why' of incarnate expression for those who carry light. In other words, we have to allow light to replace every person/place/thing/opportunity/situation/circumstance/feeling and anything else your mind supplies here. Let light become THE default.
When we fully let this in, the ego-mind, and sometimes the body, will start howling something like "I will be isolated! I will be left alone! I already feel that way!" And yes, the ego-mind and its hooks into the body will try to make the 'wailing and gnashing of teeth' as real as possible, to keep us clinging to our imprinted defaults.
This is the tech of resistance. We resist an imagined dire consequence and, as the saying goes, 'what we resist persists' and sets about building inconvenient empires to protect us in our life experiences.
The collective fear-base tells us that if we have 'no family' we have nothing. We have no default to protect us when things go sideways... and things are most definitely that way just now. Sit in meditation and ask your physical body 'which way is up'? Now ask your emotional body. See?
What has to happen, if the embodiment of light is a real intention and not some lofty imagined 'some lifetime' kind of thing, is that ALL defaults must be replaced with a default to light. And when we do this, and I speak from experience, we have the light's ability to relate to any of those we love as that love-light, not as 'their way' or what used to be our ego's way. Older defaults become irrelevant.
So here is what might now happen to my friend of the 'family wishes'. She has already chosen 'family' as 'tribe'. She might now move deeply into that self-defined family circle with all of its bloodline entrainment programs, belief systems and habits of behavior because any reality structure has those, and... she will 'sink or swim' by her defaults. Probably a bit of both.
It is not possible to 'sink' when one's default is light. It takes the conscious application of surrender and allowing LIGHT to replace all defaults in order for this to happen. It is not a pipe dream. It does happen.
You already knew this, right? So, why don't more 'families' attain enlightenment? Because their collective default programming prevents it.
Until collective definitions of 'family' and 'needs' and 'survival' change, we remain bound by what we allow our defaults to be.
And that is all right. The point is not to make 'family' unwise or bad or to redefine our definitions, ad nauseum, until our ego is swept clean. The point is to be conscious about our defaults and allow light to replace them where and whenever possible.
Or not... you might have an entirely 'other' agenda in this life. And, if so, I wish you well. Chances are, we won't travel in the same circles. And that is as it is. All well and good.
Everything comes to light eventually... and you can take that as metaphorically or literally as you might wish to. Some don't feel like waiting around another ten thousand lifetimes or so for all of that to take its course, and the chances of that many lifetimes of that kind being available on this world are slim to none soooo...
Some like the long and winding road. There is no right way to design incarnational experience.
When we ask ourselves what matters... then look around at what has manifested... we see the manifestation of our defaults at play.
One thing I love about this experience of embodiment, this incarnation, is having dropped the defaults along the way... a work still in progress, I assure you. There are always larger fields on which to play.
And along that way, of many ways, I have encountered amazing tribes, astounding families, and met my defaults 'up close and personal' in various guises, stage sets and scenarios... until, after awhile, I was shown a new reflection of something that has always been but was layered over, so to speak. I grew weary of the funhouse mirror of my own construction.
I knew I was 'learning behaviors'. I copied, mimicked and played parts throughout this incarnation. I never understood how to 'be' in this world so I copied others to see what seemed to work and what did not. This is called learning. I did it consciously. You may have done the same.
One sangha sister called it, spot on.
"You are this odd chameleon-mix of people. You do and say this like this person, that like that person... who are you really?"
I knew. I have always known. I had never found a way of simply expressing as that.. until I let the light express itself through me. I never needed that egoic shell to begin with, nor any of what it liked to tell me I needed in order to survive. I never had to grow a 'burden' in order to allow it to fall away.
I came in unfettered by false defaults. So did you. And there is not a family definition in any world that will ever come close to replacing that grounding in light.
When the light takes over, you will know whereof I speak. Spending time with family is an internal yearning for resting in the light that is the ALL, within, without and everything we experience in between. And if a family is what matters, you will manifest it and make it all that you desire it to be.
A yearning for 'real love' is the yearning for intimacy with the Infinite in a form you can touch and feel and see. Our bodies crave these feelings, yes. We incarnated to experience the Infinite in particle form.
What are you creating? Is it what you now require? If so, rest in the blessings. If not, surrender your circumstances and allow the light to change them. You will need to take the actions and make the efforts as the 'embodiment' but make no mistake. The light will be the doer and the doing thereof.
Light responds to light. Love is the field through which it plays.
Defaults want to take that away (for your 'own good' and survival and other learned misconceptions). It is up to you what game you want to play.